there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
