You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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