they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
