paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i think im in europe. pls send help
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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