I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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