Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
