Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
