i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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