how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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