uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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