He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
