The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
