we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
