I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
