I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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