meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
