So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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