K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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