wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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