A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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