arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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