Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
