Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
