I just threw up on my dentist
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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