Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize