I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize