I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
