Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
