doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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