oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
