Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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