oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
