she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
