I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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