hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
