you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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