Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
