If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
