i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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