my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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