hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
