be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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