Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
