New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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