I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
