At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
