and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
