Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
