big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
