I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize