He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
