last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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