Will you blow on my dice?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
