i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
