2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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