You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
