I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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