im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
