Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
