You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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