tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
