i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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