You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
