when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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