The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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