we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
