she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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