I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
