If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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