"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
