My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize