man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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