Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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