She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
