I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I FOUND THE LEGS
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
