Say something about gay babies.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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