Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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