my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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