Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
