Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
