listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
