Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize