I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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