LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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