it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
