YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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