whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
