Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
