Girls should come with a carfax report
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
