Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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