All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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