Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize